Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
