Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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