And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
