Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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