I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
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He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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