once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's never too late to be topless.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
