I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
