A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
