Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I want her autograph on my taint
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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