i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
