Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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