he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
