I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
