yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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