Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
