I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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