My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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