alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
