the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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