she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
