We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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