Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
