Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
