Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
