dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
