A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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