i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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