Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
