She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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