They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
