so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
