Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
a search helicopter?!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
