Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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