I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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