No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
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Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Pooping to opera.
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