Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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