saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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