So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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