woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
