In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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