what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
