they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
