just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's never too late to be topless.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
