Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
