oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
