sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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