sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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