You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
