He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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