She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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