the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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