i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
