theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
