I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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