She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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