where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
