i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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