What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
