I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's shark week go big or go home
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
