my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Bring me that man meat
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
