I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
