well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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