Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
