sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
