And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just found puke in my bra..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize