The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
