I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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