You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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