Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
