end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
