I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We were destined to go to rehab together
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
