just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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