do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
