i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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