Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
