You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
