how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
