Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
