Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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