somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
