I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
