New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize