Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
