This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Are my feet made of real feet?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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