the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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